“Open Letters” is another of my ongoing columns, a catch-all collection of not-quite-hate mail addressed to those in a position to make best use of it. It’s not just a complaining rant but also advice. It’s advice that is unwarranted and likely unwelcome–but still potentially valuable.
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A recent trip overseas revealed something important to me. Assuming someone speaks my language and just diving into conversation expectantly really makes me a huge asshole. And while most people might assume that would happen in a foreign country, not everyone realizes that the same thing happens here at home, everyday.
Most of the people I speak to here in the states speak English, so don’t be confused. But very few people speak “Dave”. Far fewer than I imagined. And although it’s a rough lesson, it’s one I’m glad to be learning.
Ever feel you’ve said something that was just your honest point of view, only to find out that you were misunderstood, or even worse, have offended someone? Maybe not by the content but by your delivery? How much does that suck? A shit ton. It sucks a shit ton. And now having said that last bit, I’ve potentially offended profanity-avoiders, sewer workers and the Royal Society of Weights and Measurements.
I sincerely do want to be aware of how what I say is perceived by family, friends, acquaintances, and my legion of devoted readers. (Does legion = “a handful”? I forget.) In my writing, especially in choose-to-read-it stuff like these blog posts, I do have a decent amount of expectation. I want to be authentic, and maybe even expect a little bravery out of those who voluntarily wander in here.
But I’m also past a point of trying to “startle” people just for the sake of a moment’s scandal. The one hurdle I have left is, training those unfamiliar with the shift between sarcasm and seriousness. I’d like to think it’s clear as can be, but the world reinforces for me that the average Joker doesn’t always know which is which.
Is it better to be a little blunt instead of passive aggressive? I think so. Everyone’s time is so fragmented these days, who has time to imply something with every last Facebook post or tweet? But for every open-hearted bit if bluntness, there is still someone else out there who hasn’t made that leap. Who still likes to hid behind inferences, seek out tones and privately take offense.
I suppose we never get to a point where we are honest with everyone. But I’d like to think it’s a worthy endeavor. I’ve recently been told in the same breath that I seem to be a little “less than serious” and “too stern and demanding”. This is a contradiction, at least in Dave terms.
I have certain perspectives to work with, people. I very much want to think of how others perceive me, to be able to reach a wide audience and to prepare for every possible contingency. But if there are 7 billion people, there are 7 billion responses to anticipate. I’d be en even bigger idiot if I thought I could reach them all.
But I want to, dammit. I sometimes wonder how many others there are out there like me. People with a variety of backgrounds, ways of speaking, points of view… but people who have the same desire at the center of their conversation. The wish to be understood, even appreciated AND to appreciate at the same time.
Part of wanting to be authentic and politely blunt is to avoid being vague. So let me be clear, if you are reading this piece, it was not inspired by anything negative you’ve been involved with. In fact, it’s not truly aimed at any one person.
And this is a two way street, party people. I am going to hit and miss in my attempts to be clearer, be more aware(er?) and so on. But at the same time, my expectations of my audience aren’t dismissed either. There’s a part of me that’s always going to expect (at least those of you who know me) to take me with a grain of salt if needed. Know that I very rarely set out to offend (usually my worst goal is to prod or poke fun).
If I can’t reach the world with a certain thought, I’d like to at least like to be well-received by the chosen few who dare admit to know me. And as much as this post has been about me me me, I hope you draw some inspiration from it too.
Because you can be one hard-to-read motherfucker!
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